It had been months since they returned with the baby from Wolfram & Heart and yet they couldn't feel safe. Faith and Spike had gladly taken them in the first two weeks, to help them get back a sense of controle of their life. In addition to that, they had made sure at least two of them were home at all times. Before they managed to completely tire the two of them with their presence, they moved out and stayed the next month at Buffys parents house.

They had now been staying at their new adress for a couple of weeks. Luckily Dia hadn't seemed to have taken any damage from the experience. She was smiling, babbling sweet nonesence and crawling all over the place now. It was when Buffy saw her playing happily on the floor with various objects she had found in the cupbards that weren't barricaded, she could feel at ease.

She felt guilty for every moment she didn't pay attention, she felt guilty for even being excited about a spot on the world cup team being a posibillity. She felt like closing her and her daughter inside the appartment and barricate the door.

Unfortunatly, neither she or Angel, who felt the exact same way... neither one of them could do that. They had responsibilities outside of the house. Even more so with the outtakes, the preparations for everything that had to do with the World Cup. Which matches that were to be held in the US and therefor be the US ministry's job and which matches needed other preparations.

Faith had allready gone through the preliminary rounds. She was as good as in. The scouts hadn't seen too much of Buffy yet, so she had very few chances left to make an immediate impression. She knew she had some bonus points from past matches, but what mattered was getting in some impressions now. The coach had agreed to as long as she kept up her strengths, she wasn't to be taken out of any preliminary matches. It would all be playing on one major card.

Buffy was sitting in the lockerroom, one of those preliminary matches were taking place in an hour. She didn't want to sit there. With all the extra work both of them had been assigned her parents had volunteered to look after Dia for them. Buffy now wished they hadn't offered. She was looking to any excuse to just step back. If she did her best, she felt guilty for not spending her time with her daughter, if she didn't do her best, she also felt guilty, for wasting her time. At first she sat alone, then a few teammates came and went. Faith was the last of her teammates to arrive. In a semi-good and semi-bad way, Buffy never knew which approach Faith would make. Today she didn't seem to say anything. She changed, as if it was just any other day. It was when she was about to leave, she turned to face Buffy. She didn't sit down next to her, rather just leaned back towards the wall. It was usually something someone who didn't know you, or who was angry with you, did. Faith was neither. She stared Buffy into the eyes.

- Get out, she ordered.

- What, Buffy mumbled, a bit taken back by the words.

- Either you get out on the field and do your very best or you get out of here completely. Anything else is a waste of time. You came here, so I suggest you put it to good use.

Faith cut right to the bone, usually one could spot her motives in her eyes, but she was dead serious this time. Sure she understood perfectly her cousins feelings and worries, but she seemed to be the only one to realize that stopping everything and locking themselves up was worse than letting the world go on, especially concidering that everyone had gotten out of it safely. She didn't mean letting their guard down, but letting themselves live a little.

Buffy semi-reluctantly nodded. That wasn't good enough for Faith, who motioned for Buffy to stand up.

- The Craft oath, Faith demanded. - It is better to rush upon a blade, than entering the field with fear in your heart. How do you enter?

- With perfect love and perfect trust, Buffy replied, even managing a semi-smile.

It had to be the weirdest pep-talk she had ever had, but as long as it worked, who was she to complain? She understood Faith's point of view of it. Her heart wouldn't let go of the guilt, but wasting time would only make her feel more guilty. It would be pointless. She knew now that she made her choice when she left the house.

Still her mind was a bit too much set on everything, but the game. Halfway through the game, not even remembering that there were people watching, she had let her thougths wander off. The opposite seeker were given a major opportunity to get the snitch, however he was blocked by Faith and the snitch flew off. Buffys heart jumped. That could have been the end of all her hopes, and she realized that the thought of not getting the spot stung. She had worked so hard for it, she wanted it. Not more than anything, but enough to not waste her thoughts.

She wanted it enough to snap out of it and put the rest of her previous reluctant heart into it. Even Faith, who was busy fending off bludgers and rushing towards the goalposts managed to see the change in Buffys eyes...

She put all her focus and energy in and in some way she did end up with the Snitch in her hand. Not that she expected it would give her a ticket to the world cup. She did however cast a little glimpse at the referee to see if she could read some answer in his eyes. They were expressionless, no smile nor frown.

- Buffy, the coach asked her, making her jump. - How would you feel if you were told you didn't get the position?

Her own smile vanished. Maybe it was cocky of her, but a part of her had expected to get it.

- I didn't get it, she sighed.

- We're evaluating it, you will be notified with an owl later on, I'm not sure when, we have some matters to discuss, he honestly said. - But how would you feel?

- I honestly don't know, she admitted. - A year ago this was everything for me. I wouldn't handle not getting it. I still want it. I would feel bad if I wasn't chosen, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

- Whatever we decide, I promise we will be as quick as we can, he assured her.

Buffy didn't get time to breathe before an excited Faith ran towards her.

- I'm in, she practicly screamed. - It's just so ah... you know... No more worrying... Why are you being serious again?

- The coach, Buffy muttered.

- You're kidding, she exclaimed. - I mean, sure you were in la-la-land in the beginning, but you really took off in the end.

- They're still evaluating it. I won't know until they send me an owl.

A knot was tying up in her stomach. It was just so simmilar to everything she had been feeling before the big match last christmas. Her eyes went wide. All this stress... all the things happening... Oh no...

- Lets get out of here, she croaked.

Not that it mattered, but having a nervous breakdown was probably not going to affect her chances in a good way. Let it be stress, she pleaded inside.

- What's the matter, Faith asked once they had reached the back of Hemery high again.

- I've been so preoccupied, Buffy muttered. - I haven't noticed...

- You're fucking kidding me, Faith groaned.

Buffy just gave her a look.

- Well, Faith sighed. - Just one way to find out.

Merely half an hour later Buffy was again too nervous to pick it up to look at it. But a look from Faith and she finally turned it around.

- Erm... what color was this test supposed to be, she asked.

- This one is blue pregnant.

Buffy turned the test so that Faith could see it.

- Thank god, Buffy muttered.

Faith didn't hear it, but she didn't need to, Buffy heard it perfectly herself. She had been worried about an other baby ruining things. She had viewed it as a problem going away, something that slightly scared her. Did she really think so? Here she had finally concluded with it not being end of the world, but something in her also showed her that it meant a bit more than that. All of a sudden she started to worry about thinking that Dia had ruined things for her. She had never wanted to be someone like that. She had mentally stepped back and said no, when she had read about things like that and yet here she was. She thought like that.

- What's the mattered, Faith wondered, as Buffy started to cry. - I thought you were relieved.

- I am, Buffy sobbed.

- Then why are you sad?

- Because I'm relieved.

Faith pulled her in for a hug.

- I'm a terrible mom, a terrible person, Buffy sobbed. - I'm relieved. I view the whole thing as a problem.

- You're not, Faith assured her. - It's all viewed differently in various stages of life. Just because you have one, doesn't mean you're ready for having an other. I mean, you love Dia, have you ever thought of her as a problem? I mean, thought of her as a problem.

- I was careless when I was pregnant. You should know, you saw it all...

- You took a risk you weren't fully aware you were taking and once you realized the full risk of it, you stopped. Without hesitation.

- I didn't want to stay home with her.

- You did. It wasn't her, you were thinking of as the bad thing, it was everything else. And if you didn't care, you wouldn't even have cared that she was taken, but you did. Once getting her back, you were a bit overprotective, but what else can we expect? She's not a problem and you're not viewing her as one. You're viewing yourself as a problem.

Buffy hickuped and tried to dry her tears.

- Now, Faith stated. - Go home, get some rest, spend some time with Angel and Dia and don't think about all those confusing thougths. Don't think about Quidditch, about stress, about anything. Just spend some time and don't brood. It doesn't suit you.

Her thoughts of worries did fly out the window, when she saw Angel and Dia sleeping on the couch. Or more correctly, Dia was lying on his chest, pinching the neckaria of him, wherever she managed to get a hold on some skin.

- Hey darling, she muttered, picking the baby up.

Angel stirred almost immediatly.

- Had a nice nap, she wondered.

- Just closed my eyes for a few minutes, he protested.

- Long day at work?

- It was a Never Ending Story, he groaned. - One would think with the huge amounts of people we have to work on these things, it would be a piece of cake...

- The more the scarier, Buffy joked.

- Joyce came by with her an hour ago. I thought I was exhausted, but she must have been given some sugar or something, cause the energy level was inhuman, he whined.

- Get yourself a nap, she suggested. - I can handle it for a while.

- Nah, I'm awake now...

It was then he saw Buffys puffy eyes. It was as though they were more visible, when she tried to be cheery than when she wasn't.

- Did something happen? Didn't you get it?

- It's just... well, they haven't said anything yet. Faith's in by the way... they're unsure about me, so they're still evaluating. I'll know when they've decided. Could be tonight, could be next week. Faith suggested forgetting about it until the letter comes.

- She's right. Come here, he said, motioning her to snuggle up against him in the couch.

She felt extremely comfortable, in the way of never wanting to leave the couch ever. She was leaned up against Angel. Dia was lying on her stomach. She lifted her head, gave her dad the hugest grin, then lowered the head to rest it on her mommys tummy. Some incohearant noises came from her, the ones she only made when she was perfectly happy.

Buffy found herself forgetting everything to do with things such as work. Both she and Angel had for some reason some days off, no work or training. Just quality family time. The letter she had been waiting for was now merely unwanted in her mind, though she knew that feeling was just temporary. Not more than ten minutes later she couldn't hold herself from reading it. She needed answers. All this back and forward, whatever it was, it was an answer. That would end the internal struggle.

"Dear Mrs O'Connor"

Buffy was almost about to object, when she all of a sudden remembered. She had his last name now. Funny how she hadn't reacted like this before. Yet her coach still called her Summers whenever he saw her. She shrugged. She didn't need everything to be politically correct.

"We tried to be as quickly as we could with this evaluation. There are any things working for you and almost just as many working against you, which was the reason for this more thoroughly evaluation. We were unsure on your dedication to the team, your skills in a teambased evaluation, because even though your position doesn't aquire as much of teamwork when it comes to result, it is sometimes scary how far some players are willing to go for the glory.

However unfortunate your accident at an earlier match was, and how much of a foul the reason for it was, we were all taken back by your will to sacrifise everything for the team."

Buffy couldn't believe it. She had actually damaged her chance with her will to make a good impression. She groaned inwardly. That had been the furthest from her intentions.

"As of your skills, we were positively surprised by how far you've gone concidering the massive time you've had off the field and that did count very good for your part. We are still unsure of your focus and attitude, as much as your previous actions were too much based on wanting it too much, your lack of attention showed some amount of not wanting it enough, however by picking up the pace, you did show us that there still lives a will inside of you. Yet we were unsure on our decision.

Your answer to our question was honest. It wouldn't be the end of the world if we were to say no. We were glad to hear than, but it's unnessesary to think about that option, because we have come to the conclution that what's best for the team both to teamwork and skills is to have you in the position as Seeker."

Buffy looked as though a teletubby had just tapdanced on top of the kitchen table.

- I got it, she muttered...